


Totally Crackers!

by CrookshankKitty



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 09:24:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17097944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrookshankKitty/pseuds/CrookshankKitty
Summary: The Weasley Twins bring out a new range of Festive Crackers aimed at the Adult Mage market.They just need to find suitable jokes for said Crackers...





	Totally Crackers!

**Author's Note:**

> I like Festive Crackers, with the dreadful paper hat, plastic "gift" and the horrendous Joke.  
> this story will contain some uncouth Festive jokes, sorry to make you groan and not in a good smut way!  
> Disclaimer: Don't own owt.  
> Belongs to JK Rowling, no copyright infringement intended (Blah Blah, Rhubarb etc!)  
> P S Have a Happy Whatever you celebrate!

Hermione Granger was seated in her favourite armchair in The Burrows living room.

She was reading the latest copy of Witch Weekly.

Looking toward her Fiance who was lounging  full length on the settee, he was reading a Quidditch magazine and looking very relaxed.

She enjoyed watching him on the quiet, he was a good looking wizard despite the scars that marred the left side of his face, He looked up at that moment catching her eye, smiling as he saw her bite her lip and blush.

" Caught you Miss Granger! You are a naughty witch ogling me like that!" teased Bill Weasley.

" I can't help it...you are a sexy wizard Mr Weasley...I am going to join you on the settee, so stay as you are..." Hermione said as she rose from her chair.

She crossed the room and over to where Bill was lying, sitting on top of him and straddling his legs, leaning over him she pressed her lips to his in a searing kiss, he put both his arms around pulling her down onto him.

They were both so immersed in each other, that they didn't hear the door from the kitchen open.

" Oi! put him down! you dunno where he's been!" Shouted Fred Weasley.

" Get a room! You are corrupting my innocence..." added George Weasley.

Bill and Hermione pulled apart quickly, Hermione blushing as Bill held her protectively against his chest.

" How about Knocking before coming in here? Hermione was demonstrating the muggle technique of resuscitation...very useful out in the field for curse breaking." said Bill Nonchalantly.

" Yeah right! you were snogging and got caught out!"

" Good job it was us and not Mum or Auntie Muriel...or you would have got a lecture about morals!"

" What are you doing here, I thought you were doing your Yuletide product ordering?" asked Bill.

" That is why we are here dear brother! we want to pick the families brains for inspiration!" The twins said in unison.

" Okay...but do you mind leaving us for five minutes...so we can finish the first aid training?" Hermione replied.

Laughing Fred and George left leaving Hermione and Bill alone in the lounge.

"Makes a change them two catching us, its usually poor Ron!" Chuckled Bill.

" I know...how embarrasing! why do I always have to blush?" she laughed softly.

" You look lovely when you blush...I think its endearing!" he said smiling at his witch and kissing her cheek.

They rose from the settee and composed themselves before entering the kitchen.

The twins were seated at the long table, both eating large hunks of fresh bread with cheese on top and drinking Butterbeer.

Sitting down at the table Bill got them both a drink before hearing what the twins had to say.

" Right then Big Brother of ours and brightest witch we know, we will tell you about our latest Weasley product!" said Fred.

" We are going to be selling adult Festive Crackers for Yule, in addition to our family range of crackers, these adult crackers will contain a high class gift... fancy underwear, chocolate body paint, that kind of stuff, what we need the families help with is the jokes to go in the crackers...we want rude jokes, the more festive the better!" added George.

"We are running a competition, the winner of the best joke gets a bottle of Old Ogdens finest. You write your joke on the parchment we will provide, it wont let us see who's it is until we do the revealing spell, the one with the most laughs from us is the winner!" Fred chimed in.

" So all the family can join in? I rather like Fire Whisky...when do we have to have our entries in?" Hermione asked.

" You have got three weeks, its six months to Yule, but we have to get all the bits together to make the crackers...some of the supplies have to be ordered now!" 

" Be interesting to see what we come up with, don't tell Aunty Muriel what you are up to, she'll will disinherit you for being uncouth Wizards!" Laughed Bill.

The whole family submitted jokes for George and Fred and three weeks later they all gathered in the kitchen at The Burrow to reveal the winner.

" Thank you for all your jokes, they will all go into the crackers, but we wanted to tell you our top four favourite jokes." Announced George.

" Number one...What is the difference between Boogies and Sprouts?...Kids will eat boogies!" said Fred reading from the piece of Parchment in his hand.

A collective groan went around the table.

" next one- What hasn't Santa Claus got any kids? he only comes once a year and that's down the chimney!"

Everyone laughed at that one, even Aunty Muriel who happened to be there for the day.

" Number three, What do you get if you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frost bite!"

This one earned another groan.

" This last one was our favourite one! What is the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?....Snowballs!" 

The whole kitchen erupted with laughter.

Fred was laughing so much tears were streaming down his face.

" I will now announce the winner of this very large bottle of Old Ogden's finest firewhisky." said George tapping the parchment with his wand.

When the name appeared on the parchment, a look of stunned disbelief crossed his face, he passed the parchment to his twin, Fred gasped and started to laugh again.

" Well...I'm delighted to announce that Aunty Muriel has won! I hope you enjoy it!" 

Auntie Muriel smiled as the Firewhisky was passed to her, the whole family were shocked that she had won, they all thought she didn't have much of a sense of humour,

Obviously they were wrong!

Fin~

 

Hope you all have a happy and safe Yuletide.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
